The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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