I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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