Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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