watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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