can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
