am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
