don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
