the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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