you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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