Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
