Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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