Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
