you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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