I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
