you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize