if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
