She said her name was "party"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
