dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
