More tranny stories later!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
