Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
