I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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