Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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