u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
