my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
