you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
