wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
