My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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