I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
