I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
