wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
