Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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