You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
