This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
ok first of all what the fuck
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
