I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
How's work?
Spinning.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
