Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
