Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
