How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
