i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
