Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
