I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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