When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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