hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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