cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We had to coat check the pizza.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
