She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
