Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
