I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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