Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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