hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
