Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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