Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
