In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
