i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
