maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
