SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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