i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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