so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize