If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
