We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
