The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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