Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
