Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
