i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
