one two three fourrrrnication!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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