his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
