so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just had sex bonerless
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
