Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
