I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
