I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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