Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
