Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
