Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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