started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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