You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
