Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
