Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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