ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
