for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Shame is for Republicans.
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