we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
