Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
