So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she looked like the before picture.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
