It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
