Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
