This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
