There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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