he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
