Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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