On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
