You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
