You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
