I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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