He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I deserve this hangover.
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