At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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