dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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