Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
