I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
